No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
