Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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