I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
