I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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