Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
