You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
