I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
