I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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