I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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