Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I just saw a hot homeless man
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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