I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
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