ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
