I just made out with a guy for $7.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
