Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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