They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
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Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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