her vagine was all disorganized.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
