He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
