So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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