and i looked up. we had an audience...
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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