Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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