He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
