do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
