omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
