remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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