Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
