he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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