you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Randomize
