My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
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