one two three fourrrrnication!
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
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I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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