Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Floor bacon is actually really good
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
