i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
