my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
