I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
