My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
