well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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