Can Purell be used as lube?
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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