i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
