can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
i need to put some appletini on your dick
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
