i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
