sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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