Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
