dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize