I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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