K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
