i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
