So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
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There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
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This is my life. Enjoy the view
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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