my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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