Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
