at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
two words...techno handjob
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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