You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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