Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Randomize
