Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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