Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
