Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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