I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
