I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
