end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
