yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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