yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
