why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Randomize
