Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
