break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
