My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
