Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
