We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
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She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
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Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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