i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
