No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
