so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
