idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
